Least favorite question: where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In our lives, both personal and professional, we are often asked the question “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Do you hate that question as much as I do? In 2015 if you would have asked me that question I would have never answered that we would be in the middle of a global pandemic, my dad being diagnosed with cancer, and that I would survive a ruptured brain aneurysm. The question just isn’t realistic. We have no real control over where we will be in 5 years. Yes we have control over the choices we make but there are so many other factors. We should have vision boards, goals, and dreams but just because you don’t achieve them in a certain time frame doesn’t mean that you are a failure or that your life lacks meaning.

When I had a blog years ago this was a topic I wanted to talk about but it just recently came up again and now I have a totally different perspective. When you survive a near death experience or something that really puts life into perspective, it changes you. You realize what really matters and that everything could be taken from you in seconds. Life is so short! Why are we constantly worried about the future?! My grandpa was walking into the kitchen telling a story when he yelled loudly and hit the floor. We were told that he had a massive stroke that caused a brain bleed. We now understand that it was probably a brain aneurysm that caused a hemorrhagic stroke. I was sleeping when my boyfriend woke up to me seizing on all fours with my eyes rolled back into my head screaming from what we now know was a brain aneurysm rupturing. The point of me telling you this is because I was always worried about my future. I stressed about it ALL THE TIME. Always planning every single thing. I finally felt free of that (a little) after my aneurysm and then that pressure started to come flooding back because we are pressured in this life to constantly be at a different place than where we are. If you’re dating someone for a long time then the question is when are you going to get engaged. If you’re engaged, when are you going to get married. If you’re married, when are you going to have kids. When you have your first child, when are you going to have your second and so on. People don’t realize the pressure that puts on you or a relationship. Also, aren’t we supposed to be living in the moment?! That’s when life happens. As Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” We are so consumed by what we haven’t achieved, what we don’t have, or where we haven’t been that we forget all the things that make this life so beautiful. It’s a really hard thing to break because we are constantly being pressured by social media, family, and friends. But the reality is, there isn’t a checklist of what your life has to look like. Some people aren’t as lucky to live a life so stop pressuring people with marriage and babies and careers and instead let’s celebrate being alive.

Since I can remember I imagined getting married and having kids. Sometimes I can even imagine what that moment will feel like when they hand me my baby for the first time. However, my reality has changed since my brain aneurysm. Sure, I still want those things but why would I stress about something that may not be able to happen for me. I didn’t know I had a brain aneurysm and if I would have had a baby, maybe it would have ruptured and I would have died. If I would have already had kids, could I have really focused on my healing so that my aneurysm would actually heal over the first year. I don’t like that there are so many pressures in this world that make us feel that if we don’t get married, our relationship must not be loving or meaningful and if we don’t have babies, we aren’t truly living. I’ve had a very blessed and full life thus far and I was sharing it with someone I loved very deeply who became my best friend. So to answer the question “where do I see myself in 5 years?”... I don’t even know where I will be in 2 months. What I do see for myself in the future is that I want to be happy, I want to let go of the trauma that I have experienced over the last 10 or so years, I want to be at peace with my life, live in the present moment and not focus so much on the future, travel all over the world, challenge myself physically, mentally, and creatively, love with all my heart, do some good, and truly experience life. Please stop asking these types of questions to people. You may not mean any harm but you don’t know what someone is going through or has gone through. And please stop making women feel inadequate if they have yet to become a wife or a mother. Those are wonderful titles to possess but we are all so much more than those two things. I mean that with all the love in my heart. Now go do something that makes you feel alive today, that you’re future self will thank you for. Go color outside the lines.